The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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