So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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