So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
