My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
