So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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