My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
