So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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