Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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