I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
