im having a threesome with these popsicles
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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