I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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