i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize