Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
