Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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