susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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