Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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