I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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