please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream