i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"