ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?