Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.