Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?