I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
