Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
