I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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