What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
