the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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