"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
