you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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