you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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