I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
