Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
