Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
