i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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