how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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