Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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