My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
