i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
