How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
