saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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