I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
