it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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