3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
