It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
