i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
soo... how was my night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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