Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
