Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Drake has all the answers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
