In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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