there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
