the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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