Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
