I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
