Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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