no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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