Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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