do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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