12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
