I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
