1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
kristin has been a bad kristin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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