I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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