I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
