awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
