Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize