i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
