he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
